Just a few thoughts at 2:45am

"It is so pointless to get attached to people."
Everyone has their skeletons, their burdens, their baggage. It takes so long to get over other people, to move on and move past the burden of the past. I know it's hard for me to do. People walking around you carry the weight of the world on their shoulders, too. A lot of my life I spend wrapped up in my own self hatred and struggle that I tend to not see the pain in other people's live. I expect them to cater to my pain when I neglect to appreciate their situation and how they deal.
This thought was introduced to me tonight. I want something so badly that I am willingly to put myself out on the line time and time again and forget why I keep getting burned. Maybe I am putting myself right over the flame over and over again because I seek the pain I know so well. It's easier to be unhappy than to be happy?
I can't say I know a lot of happy people. Maybe I do, and I just don't see it.
I just find myself living day to day waiting for something to happen. I sit here and wait. If the opportunity presents itself, I will take it, but I rarely go out on a limb anymore to make things happen.
Sunday I went out on a limb. I put my fears behind me for a night and gave into my heart. Sadly, I must admit, I was burned, again. I'm trying to take it in stride as much as possible. I know it won't be the last time I do this either. Desperately I want to give myself the opportunity to blossom without the need for a connection with someone, anyone.
Everyday is a struggle. It never gets easier. There will always be those people in your life that continuously let you down, but you forgive and forget because you love them. A lot of people can understand this because it's a part of growing up. You get let down and you let other people down. 
In my life, I feel like this happens too often. I take risks that I know will end poorly and I know I will 'regret' it but I go for it.
I have a lot of regrets, mistakes, opportunities I missed out on because I was scared.
I don't want to live my life scared.
If there is someone I want to take the risk in loving, I will love them, fully, without hesitation, without regret. I will love them with my whole person and never think "what if." I will give 100% of myself.
How do you live your life without chances? What are you so afraid of?

The world isn't out to get you. Not everyone is going to hurt you. There is someone who will love you and want you and never let you go.
I suppose you'll never know if you never let anyone in.
It's the safe way to go though, right?


"It's better to have love and lost than to have never loved at all."

The fence is breaking, what side will you land on?

Daily Cry List

I've listened to sad shit all night. Owen, The Great Depression, and Copeland's "Take Care."

And Tegan & Sara.

I want to update

about how typical everyone in my life is, about how often I convince myself that "this time is different" and you know what, it isn't. I'm so tired I can't barely open my eyes. I thought things would be different and I opened myself more and let people in, but it's not.
Just, really, if I could find a good thing about the way things are going right now, I would be the first to fucking tell you. It's not happening.
Bright side turned black.

I don't want to sound like a total cry baby but it's been a awhile since I've cried in bed.


In other news, Teddy Kennedy died and it's really bummed me out.