not waving but drowning..: February 2010

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Sun down, Sun up. I speak in sarcasm to relate to all the things I appreciate. I lie in rhythm to open doors. I follow suit and just want more. My reputations is the same it's been, and I don't care what happens. I read the book, so I know the end. I've probably said too much, but I've never felt more accomplished. I'm losing sleep. I'm losing friends. I've got a love/hate love with the city I'm in. I'll count the hours, having just one wish. If I'm doing fine, there's no point to this.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Daily Mosh

I am in the worst mood tonight. Everything/one has set me off.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Daily Mosh

Friday, February 19, 2010

Samiam

I really enjoy this album. To be quite honest, I haven't listened to Samiam in a very long time.
You know there are those bands that strike you at moments in your life, and that's all you listen to, than you sort of just stop. Well, Samiam was one of them for me. I don't want to do that again.

I've had such a bad day. I cannot even begin to describe how stupid I feel and how much I overreact when I get my feelings hurt. I push people away, and retreat. Its horrible.

I'm staying in tonight and doing homework. Hoping I pull myself together before I get to see my best friend tomorrow.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Just a few thoughts at 2:45am

"It is so pointless to get attached to people."
Everyone has their skeletons, their burdens, their baggage. It takes so long to get over other people, to move on and move past the burden of the past. I know it's hard for me to do. People walking around you carry the weight of the world on their shoulders, too. A lot of my life I spend wrapped up in my own self hatred and struggle that I tend to not see the pain in other people's live. I expect them to cater to my pain when I neglect to appreciate their situation and how they deal.
This thought was introduced to me tonight. I want something so badly that I am willingly to put myself out on the line time and time again and forget why I keep getting burned. Maybe I am putting myself right over the flame over and over again because I seek the pain I know so well. It's easier to be unhappy than to be happy?
I can't say I know a lot of happy people. Maybe I do, and I just don't see it.
I just find myself living day to day waiting for something to happen. I sit here and wait. If the opportunity presents itself, I will take it, but I rarely go out on a limb anymore to make things happen.
Sunday I went out on a limb. I put my fears behind me for a night and gave into my heart. Sadly, I must admit, I was burned, again. I'm trying to take it in stride as much as possible. I know it won't be the last time I do this either. Desperately I want to give myself the opportunity to blossom without the need for a connection with someone, anyone.
Everyday is a struggle. It never gets easier. There will always be those people in your life that continuously let you down, but you forgive and forget because you love them. A lot of people can understand this because it's a part of growing up. You get let down and you let other people down.
In my life, I feel like this happens too often. I take risks that I know will end poorly and I know I will 'regret' it but I go for it.
I have a lot of regrets, mistakes, opportunities I missed out on because I was scared.
I don't want to live my life scared.
If there is someone I want to take the risk in loving, I will love them, fully, without hesitation, without regret. I will love them with my whole person and never think "what if." I will give 100% of myself.
How do you live your life without chances? What are you so afraid of?

The world isn't out to get you. Not everyone is going to hurt you. There is someone who will love you and want you and never let you go.
I suppose you'll never know if you never let anyone in.
It's the safe way to go though, right?

"It's better to have love and lost than to have never loved at all."

The fence is breaking, what side will you land on?

Jimmy Eat World

After all these years, Jimmy Eat World still hits the spot. I love this band so much. Clarity Demo is one of the best pieces of music I've had the pleasure of listening to.

Happy Birthday, Blog!

My blog is about a year old this month, as well as I am a year older this month!
So, in celebration of this, I will update a lot today.

React Showcase..

I would LOVE if I could go to this.. I saw Betrayed back in May but I would love love love to see them again. I really wish I could. I'm going to try.

Daily Mosh

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Baltimore Vday

Picked these up (minus the 3 Blacklisted 7"s) at a record store in Towson, Maryland before the Blacklisted/Ruiner show in Baltimore. I don't remember the name of the store. It was a very awesome record store. I would like to return when I have more money. They had so many records I wanted.
Tony, Mary, Nick, and I enjoyed sushi at a rotating sushi bar in Towson. It was cute! The sushi was decent! It was also cheap..that's always a plus.
The show was a lot of fun! Ruiner played a love song set and it was great! I wish I could see them play more. Once I get the funds, I will take more trips to Baltimore to see them. Blacklisted was perfect, as usual. They only played like 3 new songs. I was hoping for more. Both sets made me happy I chose Baltimore for Valentine's Day over a little boy. Hardcore > boys. I didn't really watch Pulling Teeth or Strike Anywhere. I like Pulling Teeth but the preaching kills me. I wasn't about to stand near the stinkyness of Strike Anywhere's fans.
After the show we met up with some of their friends to eat at a shitty diner that I will never go to again. It was an experience though.
I like Baltimore. I've never hanged out in the city itself before, just passed through. Driving home at 5:30am on no sleep really sucked though. The drive was awful. I couldn't keep my eyes open for longer than 30 minutes. I made it 2 1/2hrs in before I had to stop and sleep for another hour, haha. In the end, I didn't mind as much. I enjoyed "hanging out" more than sleeping. ;)